Nothing is how it seems
by Beauty Lily
Summary: AU What's going on between James and Lily? What's Lily talking about? Does James doesn't like her anymore ? sorry summary sucks but i hope you'll like the story... PLS rewiew!
1. Prologue

**Nothing is how it seems**

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except the plot!

_If your love was as strong as you stated,_

_Then how did we end up here?_

_If we were so close,_

_How come you're so far?_

_If you told me to believe you –I did-,_

_Then why did you only lie to me?_

_If you wanted my love –you got-,_

_Then why give it back?_

_When you said you'd die without me,_

_Then why are you still breathing?_

_If your heart is hard,_

_Then why is mine broken?_

Why did I get married? Why, pray tell me, did I fucking get married? At seventeen, you don't fell in love. You don't get married just after you finish school.

But I, Lily Evans Potter, did it. Why? Because I thought I was in love. How could I not, with his looks, his elegance, his smile…

Oh the first year into the marriage was pretty good. We got along great. We loved each other. Marriage was the right choice.

But now, three years later, I can see that nothing is what it seems like. We fight more and more each day. He's never at home. Maybe it's because of Voldemort, but anyways... I go to bed; he's not here. I wake up; he's not here. I don't even know if he ever gets home. Thinking of it, we actually don't fight anymore. We can't, because we don't see each other.

I don't feel safe like I felt when I was around him anymore. I don't feel his warmth. I don't feel anything. Love disappeared from this marriage. Nothing exists anymore. Just those long cold nights and me.


	2. Some thinking

Chapter one: Some thinking

I'm right now in my bed, all alone, thinking. I woke up in the middle of the night and all those thoughts came into my mind. You'd ask, why we wouldn't get divorced. No, never! I still have this little bit of hope in the deep of my heart. And to leave him, like he did to me, would hurt me more than it would hurt him. I'm waiting and I'll wait forever!

I went back to reality when suddenly I heard a noise. I jumped up. What could cause this noise? I heard footsteps. Who was it? I walked to the door. Without making a single noise, I opened the door…


	3. Is it woth fighting?

Chapter two: Is it worth fighting

" Oh, James! It's just you …

Were you waiting for someone?

No. God I got scared!

It's just me …

Yeah…"

That's what I'm talking about. That's the only talking we ever make.

"So… Why are you awake at this hour?

-I just couldn't sleep…

-Well... umm I need to sleep so... uuh good night…", he said and made his way to the door.

"Wait uhh… Where are you going?

-To sleep…

-You…you don't sleep here anymore?

-No, I… I always come late and you are already asleep so I don't want to wake you up and I sleep in the next room.

-Ohh I didn't know that…'

Many thoughts came into my mind. Do I snore? Do I take the entire place in the bed? Do I disturb him?

But I've had enough of being alone without him. So I asked him:

"Since I'm awake right now, maybe you can sleep here tonight. That is if you want of course.

-No you sleep. I get up early in the morning. I don't want to disturb you.

-James, what's wrong?

-Nothing why?

-You… We… What happened to us?

-What do you mean?

-Well… What I mean is, I was starting to get frustrated, we don't talk anymore, we don't laugh anymore, we don't sleep together anymore. We don't actually see each other anymore. You don't give a shit about me anymore!" As I said this, I started to feel the tears running down my cheeks.

"Lily. I… I don't want to lie to you but I really don't know what…

-Tell me the truth James. Do you even like me anymore?

-No."

Here you go. He doesn't like me anymore. Not even a little bit. He just told me like it was a normal stuff.

"Do you find me cute?

-No."

Why would he like me after all if I were not even cute? When did I become ugly? He used to tell me I looked like an angel. Did I grow old? I asked him again with a sad voice:

"Do I have a place in your heart?

-No."

When did he become so cold-hearted? He doesn't even consider me as his friend anymore. And he always had a place for everyone in his heart! It took all my Gryffindor courage to ask him one last question:

"If I left you, would you cry after me?

-No."

This was it. Everything was over between us. Tears run freely down my cheeks but I didn't let him see them.

"Get out James!

-I'm not fin….

-Get the fuck out", I yelled at him and heard the door close.

When did all of this happen? Why did I ask him those questions? At least I could still have this little hope in me but now everything is gone. What am I to do? Is it still worth fighting?


	4. Fighting

**Chapter three: Fighting**

I decided to fight. Well, fighting may seem like a big word. I just decided to stay here. Where am I to go anyways? After I told him to get out, I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I would see his face, answering no to my questions. I had to get my mind off of him. So I went to work. Yeah I forgot to tell you, I'm a healer at St Mungos. How I can heal someone if I can't heal myself is beyond me but I still went. I don't want to loose my job. Some say it's easier to heal someone else then yourself so I stuck to that.

There was the usual rush. People getting attacked, killed. It was unusual to see minor problems nowadays.

I got home late at night. It was nearly 3 am. There wasn't a single sound. I think James wasn't back yet. Here I am thinking about him again. I should get a grip of myself and stop it sometime soon. But I didn't want it. I wanted to think about him and him to think about me. I wanted to be a happy couple again. I erased those thoughts as I felt the tears on my eyes. I was dead tired since I didn't sleep last night either. But when I went in bed I couldn't sleep. Flashbacks started coming back in front of my eyes. I got up and went to take a hot bath. I hoped to take off the day's rush and just relax a bit.

"Mmmh…" Hot water felt good. I think I stayed an hour lying between the bubbles. As I got out, I put a towel around my body. I let my wet red hair come onto my shoulders, dripping. I opened the door to get in my bedroom. MY bedroom. Not mine and James'. Just mine. But I was shocked to find James sitting on my bed.

"Lily I was waiting for you. You didn't let me finish yes…"

He stopped when he saw me in nothing but a towel. He stared at me, from head to toes. I felt nude under his look. He was staring so intently.

"There's nothing left to say James, please get out.

-If so, why are you still here?"

I didn't know what to answer him. It's true. Why was I still here if not waiting for him to come back to me?

"Lily, I don't like you. I love you! I don't think you're cute because you're breath taking. … I don't have a place for you in…

-James it's not funny. If you don't mean it please stop.

-Lily I'll never lie to you and I'm not done yet. I don't have a place for you in my heart coz my heart is yours! And I won't cry after you, I'd die for you!!"

As he was talking, he walked to me. As he finished, he was right in front of me. Millimeters were separating us. He said the last word in my ear. I could feel his breathing. I closed my eyes. Old memories came crashing to my mind. He took my earlobe in his mouth, sucking it… It sent shivers of pleasure up and down my spine. He continued until he heard me moan.

"I'm sorry it's been this way Lily… I'm so sorry. I don't know what went wrong. But I'll do anything to make it up to you. I missed you so much."

He backed me up on the wall. He started brushing my lips with his but I couldn't take it anymore. I started kissing him. He responded hungrily. His tongue started to massage mine taking control of the situation. I was pinned against him and the wall behind. I was in his arms and then in his hands, I realized in soaring shocked pleasure as they moved over me, touching me. I could feel my breasts swelling into his hands whist my stomach tightened with expectation. I lifted my arms to wrap them around him, my fingers sliding into his hair. My towel fell on the floor. James stopped to look at me for a second. His eyes were filled with lust. Just like old times. I could still make him go crazy. Loose control. For once in a long time, I felt glad. He lifted his hand to push my auburn hair off my neck and shoulder, leaving them exposed to the exploration of his hungry mouth. I was openly trembling with longing, I recognized as my head fell back to allow James even more access to the curve of my throat. Behind me I had the hardness of the wall. And in front of me I had the hardness of James. His hand came out and slid beneath one of my breast, gently supporting it. His thumb searched for my nipple. I gave a sharp, electrified moan and my whole body stiffened in response to his touch. His hand was working urgently on my breast preparing it for the hungry possession of his mouth.

Taking hold of my hands, James pinned them above my head, his body leaning into mine. A fast furious surge of excitement raced through me as I looked into his eyes. He had completely lost control now. I could see it in his eyes, feel it in the way he was grinding his body into mine. And I loved it!

I don't know when or how his clothes found the floor. I don't know when I wrapped my legs around him. And I don't know how we moved to the bed. But here I was, lying under him. His hands were caressing my legs as he was playing with my nipple with his mouth, licking it, sucking it and gently biting it… His hand was now caressing my tights, careful not to touch my sweet spot. I cried out, my hands on his shoulders, my nails digging into his skin. I couldn't take it any longer. I wanted to feel him inside of me. But he took his hand away. I realized my eyes were closed when I opened them to look at him. He had stopped everything and was looking at me with his famous grin plastered on his face. He was enjoying torturing me. It felt like old times. Ohh... How much I missed him! When I looked at him with begging eyes, he put a sweet kiss on my lips, moving down to my neck, breast, stomach, navel… My breathing came harsher as he moved downwards. He started licking me slowly, putting kisses, sucking me... He was teasing me like he never did before.

I felt the tightening warning of my body but it was impossible for me to hold back my orgasm. As I cried out of pleasure I felt James's mouth swallowing it.

I was still trembling from its aftershock seconds later when he moved around to hold me. He wrapped his arms tightly around my body.

I took a few breaths to calm myself. His naked flesh felt smooth and warm beneath my fingertips. I traced his collarbone and then pressed a small kiss to it. I ran my finger around the aureole of his nipple, dark and flat, unlike the rosy fullness of my own. It was my time to tease him now. I played with it and then burrowed my face against his chest, relishing the scent and taste of him.

'If you keep doing that…' I heard him groaning. My orgasm made him even harder and he was breathing rashly. I smiled to myself. I wasn't done teasing him yet.

"You'll what?"

He didn't even answer. With a blink of an eye, he was again on top of me, opening my legs. I wrapped them around him, welcoming him into me. Desire ran through me. It had been so long that he hadn't touched me. And now, here he was, making love to me! Each thrust of his powerful body within my own brought us closer, physically and emotionally. I hoped he would never leave me alone again. His thrusts were becoming faster. I tightened my fingers into his back. In that same moment I heard his harsh cry and felt again those butterflies in my stomach as I reached my climax and it showered my whole body.

He kissed me one last time on the lips before moving aside. I put my head on his chest, breathing harshly. He hugged me, trying to slow down his own breathing.

"Lily…

-Sshhhh!" I shushed him. He smiled and kissed the top of my head.

"Whatever happens baby, I'll always love you!"

I smiled, a true one this time. He was back. I actually fought my battle and regained him. I was happy at that moment, using him as a pillow, sleeping with him. But it wasn't for long…


	5. IMP!

Hi… I'm sorry I didn't update in a while. School's hectic and I feel like I'm not supported by you guys as I receive very few reviews. I have some free time for two weeks so if anyone wants the rest of the story, just say so and I'll post the rest.


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